"A Long-Expected Party" - Chapter 1 | Fool of a Took Podcast Ep 001

Gentle (and not so gentle) hobbits, Gandalf's a jerk, and a good old fashioned Ham Sam-which. This week we discuss Chapter 1 "A long-Expected Party" from The Fellowship of the Ring.

Today's "Food For Thought": A Toast to Bilbo's Birthday Bash

Drink of choice (sweet wine and mead are good options)
Honey
Pop Rocks

-Line the rim of your goblet with honey. Pour the pop rocks into a plate and press the rim of the goblet into it. Fill the glass with your drink and enjoy the fireworks!

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Hi! Welcome to Fool of a Took Podcast, a show about friends reading the Lord of the Rings together. Here's the catch - 2 of the 4 hosts have never read the books before! Pat and Rj help their spouses Chris and Laura read the Lord of the Rings for the first time in a weekly podcast that discusses each chapter along the way.

With chapter snacks, fresh grog, and plenty of tongue wagging, you can be sure we’ll all be “cracked” by the end.

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Original music for the show composed by Chris Newhard
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Robbie Jean
Pat
Laura 

Transcript

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Hello and welcome to Fool of a Took podcast. I am one of your hosts, Chris. I'm Laura. I'm Patrick. And I'm Robbie Jean. And we are starting a podcast. This is episode one of Fool of a Took p. Basically, the point of this podcast is I have seen The Lord of the Rings movies several times in my life, and I love them. But I've never read the book and I've seen it. It's been on my show for several years. I married to a book lover Robbie over here, and she constantly talks about how good books are. And I'm always looking at Lord of the Rings up on the shelf and thinking, it's too big. I can't tackle that. I'm not a big reader. It's literally up there. It's like the King James Bible. That it's. Bigger. And I thought, This is the year that I read The Lord of the Rings. But because I am a psychopath, I have to make all of my best friends read it with me and talk about it on a weekly show. So we're going to do one chapter each episode. Want to break it down? If you haven't read Lord of the Rings, this is the podcast for you. You can follow along. This is your chance to take it week by week with us on this journey. Chapter by chapter. If you've already read Lord of the Rings, this is a great way to just catch up, relive the world, and, you know, watch as some falls over here and try to make their way through. Lord of the Rings. So I fell into this trap when Chris said, Hey, Pat, I'm going to read The Fellowship of the Ring. And I thought, Awesome, that's what it says. You want to read it, too? I said, Absolutely. And now I'm on a podcast. I don't think it happened very fast. How did this happen? Right, exactly. But what I really love about this is that it's about sharing the Lord of the Rings in the Fellowship of the Ring, because growing up, this was so, so important to me. My mom would like read this to my siblings and I like once a summer. It was like our bedtime story for the entire summer break. And it was always amazing. And I read it just about every year or had it read to me just about every year from like the age of seven to like 17. Absolutely love it. I love that I'm able to share this and I love that Laura has finally my lovely wife has finally gotten on board with Lord of the Rings. I have seen the movies repeatedly. It's not like I'm completely new to this, but I have not read the books. I did read The Hobbit, which was a very easy read. So now we are diving into the entire the entire odyssey here and I'm excited. It's going to be good. And I'm so excited because I've been saying for years, 20 years to be exact, that I was going to reread The Lord of the Rings and I never had and I get the chance to reread it not only with my husband, but two of our best friends. So I'm very excited to go on this journey again and relive this amazing book series. And I'm happy to have you guys with us, too. Yeah. You know, you just said something about The Hobbit. I read I did read The Hobbit 11 years ago. It's been about that long for me. To 2013. I was doing a job in Africa and I bought The Hobbit at the airport because I realized I was getting on a 19 hour flight and I forgot a book. And I read it on a plane, and I. Grabbed The Hobbit and I was like, All right, The Hobbit. I like the movie. The Lord rings it and I was addicted to it. I read it the whole way through and it was so good and then I went to the stuff like Barnes Noble or something when I got home and it was like this behemoth of work and I was like, I'm not reading that. Crazy, so. This is it. We're doing it. Let's dove into it. So every week when we go through the book, what we're going to do is we're going to structure the episode in a way that makes sense for people who haven't read. So you can follow along and then we're going to have hopefully interesting discussion afterwards. So we're going to start with a summary like a 10,000 foot view of the chapter. Then we're going to go into discussion about it. We'll talk about what we liked, what we didn't like, what we want to change. And also, Laura has decided to either provide food or beverage, which is a surprise each week based on the chapter we read, which is really cool. So we'll do that later on, correct? Yep. All right. Awesome. This is a surprise. I know it is. I never know it is. That's what makes it awesome. And then we'll wrap up and and get out of here. Why don't you kick us off with a summary of Chapter one of the Fellowship of the Ring. All right. Chapter one. A long expected party. And why is it long expected? Because it's Bilbo Baggins 111th birthday. It's also the birthday of his cousin and adopted heir, Frodo Baggins. Now, Bilbo had adopted Frodo because his parents drowned while boating, which is apparently a very vicious sport in the in the shire. Everyone's afraid of boats and they don't really go into why. So Frodo is is orphaned and he becomes this like child growing up in a war and of cousins and Bilbo when the Frodo comes of age adopts him and names him his heir. And so he has advertised he's going to have this massive party to celebrate his 111th birthday, to celebrate photo's birthday, to celebrate the adoption, the establishment over there. So it's literally the talk of the entire shire. The entire country is talking about the lunatic Bilbo Baggins and his giant birthday party and what's going to happen because nobody really knows what to expect. So one of the people who gets the light shined on them as they sit around and discuss all this and all the taverns and bars and eateries and what have you in the shire is the gardener because the gardener knows what's up, old gaffer. So he is privy to information no one else has and people get really into it. But overall, he really establishes and defends the character of Bilbo and Frodo and we learn a lot about him, about all three of them actually through this discussion. Once we get to that point, once all these characters are established, the party preparation begins and this is all narrated, right? So it has a very particular character, but one of the most significant arrivals is Gandalf, who's described as basically just being this old man in a blue hat who's known for his fireworks because the last time there were any fireworks in the shire was 70 years ago at the old Turks funeral. Essentially Neil took live to 130 years old, so Bilbo at 111 is is going for it. I don't know if he's going to break the record or not, but the whole shire knows Gandalf as basically just like a funny, weird traveler who hands out fireworks to children. Very responsible. Very. And it gets to the point where, like, there's dwarves coming in and they're setting up tents and all the cooks in the area are showing up and all the supplies are flowing. And everybody is is is hanging around because the gardener has been spilling the beans on everything. So they have to hang up a sign at one point. No admittance except on party business. And this turns away just about everybody. But you've got all kinds of people poking and prodding and they want to see what's going on. So it's days of preparation. Like they take a huge field and they erect tents and tables and the whole thing because literally everyone gets an invitation. And if you didn't get an invitation on the day of the party, if you can physically get there, you just showed up and literally everyone came to this party and they accounted for that. The food, the drink, the table to see the whole thing. Bilbo was throwing one hell of a party. It is right. It is his fucking birthday. And everyone's. Going to know. I like this guy. Right? So the day the party dawns, it happens. Everybody is super excited. They show up, there's food, there's drink, there's gifts because hobbits give presence on their birthday. They don't necessarily receive presents. So cute. Right? Like hobbits are extremely wholesome. I love them. Cry. So you're really going to have to pull it together later. Okay. It gets a little rough sometimes. Is it a smooth? So the day of the party comes and everyone's having a great time and then, you know, the sun go well said, the lights go down, the sun goes down and then it's time for fireworks. And so Gandalf pulls all the stops out and you have these trees in the sky that are like weeping, golden flowers. You have explosions and like designs, and it ends in a finale that is an enormous red dragon that just dove bombs the entire party like three times and then explodes. It's like. Boom, because fucking nuts. And everybody is like justifiably upset and a little traumatized. And that's when they announce it's time for drinks and dinner, like actual dinner. So it's fine again. Whatever food feed me this has got. Exactly. Yep. And then we dove into the, the next thing that comes up in the next part of the story is the Family Party. There's 144 guests in the family tent alone, and that's just heads of family. The major cousins like the children are even invited. They don't get to play with the adults. This is the adults table and there's 144 of them, which is one gross. And in the shire it's rude to refer to people in that way, but, you know, eggs or whatever, fine. But not people specifically. Not people, but 144 is important because it's photos 33rd birthday and it's Bilbo's 111th birthday. And Bilbo is peculiar and likes his silly little jokes, which is like a common theme throughout the chapter. And we're going to discuss that because yeah, it is the personality that comes through. So it comes to the end of the night and everyone is dreading the speech because Bilbo is going to give a speech and this is going to like the way it's set up is like it's going to be the mother of all train wreck of best man speeches. But it really isn't. It's peculiar. He says it like one of the iconic lines of the books, movies, and I can't remember off the top of my head. So do you guys have it? I don't know. Half of you as well as I should like and I like less than half of you as well as you deserve. And that's what he says to his friends and guests and family. And nobody really knows if they've been insulted or not. So while they're puzzling that out, he orders beer, wine out, and then he tells everybody he's a nut. He has drawn them all together for a purpose. First, it's his birthday. Second, he's officially rolling out Frodo as his heir, so he's absolutely in line to inherit everything. When Bilbo goes and third, Bilbo announces he's going. He says, I've had enough. Goodbye. I'm going on another adventure. There's a flash of light and Bilbo disappears. And this is considered extraordinary bad manners. So Frodo is left holding the bag and his guests are a little justifiably unhappy, but they just keep eating and drinking because that is primarily the pastime in the shire. And so Bilbo is forgiven because he is generally very generous with food and drink. Then the next scene cuts us back to Bilbo's study, where Bilbo is making his final preparations. He's got three dwarves with him. They're helping in packs and bags. They're going to do the carrying, I guess. I don't know. I don't know what else you'd bring a dwarf for. And he has his legal documents. He puts in an envelope for Frodo and he puts it up on the mantel, and then he has his magic ring and he puts that in an envelope and goes to put it on the mantel. And somehow it ends up in his pocket and he realizes this, and he comes to the conclusion that he's okay with that. He doesn't mind it. It's his why doesn't keep it? Why shouldn't he bring it with him? It's his most precious possession. And then Gandalf comes in and you know, they have a quick discussion. And Gandalf points out that Bilbo is probably not as funny as he thinks he is. And then also points out that Bilbo still has the ring in his pocket and this turns into a big confrontation. The Bilbo becomes like unjustifiably upset and protective, accuses Gandalf. He's like like a friend of his for 50 years, accuses him of actually it's like 60, 60, 65 years or something. Yeah. So accuses him of being a thief and wanting to steal it from him. And then Gandalf puts on his big voice and stands up real tall, which is very hard in a hobbit hole because they're all four feet tall and the ceilings are only five feet tall and says, I'm here to help you. Just do what you plan to do and leave the ring for Frodo. And Bilbo takes a second and he says, You know what, you're right. I something needs to change. I need to get out of here. And this is a part of here, so I'm going to leave it. But why don't you take it and kind of like physically recoils from the act of accepting the envelope with this ring in it and just as nope, just leave it on the mantel. Just that was the plan to it. And so he does he pops it up there and it is like a tremendous weight is off him. He's immediately happy or he's excited to get going. He sings a little song and he says, Dwarves are out of here and Bilbo Baggins just disappears into the night and that's it. Then we cut to some hours later, like 2 a.m.. Everybody's been eating and drinking and everyone has been, you know, has thoroughly forgotten how insulted they may or may not have been. And there's this exchange between Gandalf and Frodo again in the study where Frodo realizes how much he's going to miss Bilbo and how if Bilbo had just asked him to go, he would have gone. He doesn't know where he's going, but he would have gone with him. And instead he's inherited everything this huge home called bag end, tons of rooms, tunnels, the whole thing. Hobbits like to live underground, so it all makes sense. All the money, all the property, everything. He's now, he went from being an orphan over the course of this adoption to now being the heir to being like the richest person in the country. And he's reflecting on it. And the only the only conclusion is just he misses Bilbo and he's going to miss Bilbo. And but, you know, Bilbo left his magic ring, so that's interesting, at least. So now now, of course, Frodo is Frodo is heard a version of the story of how Bilbo got it because nobody really knows, because Bilbo tells a couple of different versions of it. But that's all in The Hobbit. And what you have is this interaction between Gandalf and Frodo, where photos like, Oh, well, at least I have this magic ring, right? So I can get out of like awkward social occasions because that's what hobbits are mostly concerned with. And so and Gandalf, like, I would rather you didn't do that. This is a magic ring. They're kind of a big deal. This isn't for avoiding, like, awkward conversations in the grocery store to just just just hang on to it, keep it secret, keep it safe. I'm going to bed right? Exactly. Yeah. So then the next day is the next day is is the gift giving. So in addition to willing everything to Frodo, Bilbo has tagged hundreds of things as gifts for specific people. And again, Bilbo thinks he's really funny. So like the nature of some of these gifts, there's an umbrella for the guy who has a habit of just walking away with other people's umbrellas, like, Can I borrow this? And then you just never see it again. Right? Yeah. And stuff like that. And the, the chapter is like it's like a page and a half of just like kind of gifts for Bilbo thinks he's being funny, but it's absolutely rude. And so it's all these things. And meanwhile everyone's heard that, oh, they're giving away gifts at bag, end or bag. And also stuffed with gold. Like, how else does he keep feeding everybody like this? How? Where does this money come from? Nobody knows. He went on an adventure. He came back rich. Clearly he's buried it in the walls. So, like, people just throw up, sort of like banging holes in the walls and they're taking their gifts and they're walking away with things that they feel like maybe should have been a gift for them and photos over it. He's absolutely done with it. And he just says to his cousin, Mary, Brandi, but please, God, just like close the door, get people out of here. We're done for the day. So they they they he sits down, he has a cup of tea or whatever he does. Mary gets everybody off the property, shuts all the doors, and they sit down and the door rings, the door starts banging, somebody's at the door and they have no fucks to give and so they ignore it. And then a couple of seconds later and a couple of very loud knocks later, Gandalf pops this face in the window and threatens to, like, blow the door down if you don't let me in right now. Like, I'm not some I'm not some hanger on come to steal your fucking potatoes and Gandalf let me in right? Yes, yes. Right. So he cuts. So that's kind of the that's that's kind of the moment that Gandalf has with Frodo. And he comes in and, you know, Mary leaves and it's just the two of them again. And, you know, Gandalf's primary purpose here is to recap to Frodo, you have a magic ring. It's important, but we I don't know much about it, but I think I might. So I'm going to go and I will return when I know more. And I've no idea when that's going to be. But until then, keep it secret, keep it safe, don't use it to avoid awkward lunches. And then he leaves and he he leaves worried like he's carrying a weight with him. Like he has a concern. Yeah. And that's how the chapter ends. Beautiful summary. Yeah, that's fine. I'm tearing up. So chapter one of the fellowship of the Ring, actually surprised me. I was nervous going into it. I had almost anxiety. I've heard so much about this book and like how intense it is it's in. I was actually sitting like at my table with RJ. We're sitting across from each other and I had my computer take copious notes and I had the book to my left, which is right here with all the different versions of the book. Basically, I'm pretty sure. That. It's funny. I actually got your version as well, but the old man version. Is different. Than version y is a. Different. Print in this one is I. Nervous? Oh, it's like, oh my God, it's like pirate scroll. It's amazing. Bigger than I thought it was going to be. So I'll sit in there and I have the book open and we also put on Spotify through the Bluetooth speaker really loudly. Andy Serkis doing the the read through of the book. So we were listening to it while reading it. I have a hard time with my A.D.D. remembering things, so I was like, Let's cement these words into my brain as much as possible. And we hit play and the first couple lines begin and it's Andy Serkis reading the opening poem of the book, which for those who have not read the book, who are like me, who are new to the book, there's a prolog in the book and it's we're not getting into that because it's just a lot of history and it has nothing to do with Lord of the Rings. It just gives you all the information you need to know if you've never seen or heard of anything that Tolkien's ever done. What a Hobbit is, what the Doors are, some of the history of the politics of that. But we end up skipping that. So guess some of us do read it. I attempted to read it. Due to the talent. We weren't reading it. We didn't read. We made that decision independently. Yeah, that was a secret decision. I honest to God, I didn't think we would even try. To be, you know. I had to get everything, everything done and do my homework correctly. Did you like this? I don't know. I don't know. Maybe, like ten pages long. It took me like 3 hours to read it because I kept falling asleep. Oh, my. God. It was not written by J.R.R. Tolkien. It was written by his son. And it's basically just the driest background context that you could need if it wasn't 20, 24. And everybody hasn't seen the movies, right? Like like what is a hobbit and had that kind of information in their brain already. Right. Right. So that makes sense. So Pat and I had decided when we were working on this beautiful set not to read it. So I knew right away, I'm not reading this yet. And I flipped the head. And anyway, there's a poem and it too, to hear Andy Serkis read it with his unbelievable voice. And Andy Serkis was an actor from the movie Lord of the Rings. I figured before we begin discussing on this, the official first, you know, episode is podcast that I would read this poem to kick us off the same way that Andy did. Can you read it in his voice? Oh, no. But I'll try to be cinematic with it. Oh, I have a almost a woman's voice. So, you know, I don't have a good baritone speaking voice. Like many men, I have a very girly, high pitched voice. Yeah, tell me about it. Oh, yeah. That's why we get along so well. It's our voices. Oh, we hear each other. Similar voices. You're all right. All right, dogs. So this is the opening poem, and I think it sets the tone so beautifully. So here it is. Three rings for the elven kings under the sky, seven for the dwarf lords in their halls of stone, nine for mortal men doomed to die, one for the dark Lord on his dark throne in the land of Mordor, where the shadows lie One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring to bring them all and in the darkness, bind them in the land of Mordor, where the shadows. Lie. I think that deserves a round of applause. It was hot. But man, that's just like my, my. I got, like, chills just hearing it. And I was like, you know, do you guys do, like, roller coasters? Used to use it. You do not. I know you do not use petrified coasters, but I love roller coasters. And I've been on roller coasters a thousand times. And every single time I get on one and you, like, clamp down the thing and you hear like that and you're starting to move forward and go up the up the ramp. Like the hair on my neck stands up and I'm like, I'm about to go on the craziest ride ever. And I had that reading of book. That's awesome. By a poem, and I was like, Oh, this is going to be crazy. Well, do you want the good news or the bad news? I don't know. So give me the really good bad news. The really good bad news or. The bad good news? I think it's the same news. It is all the same news, really. So this is the best poem by far. And he did a good job putting it up front. Then because it goes it died the quality goes down real hard, real fast. It doesn't stop him from putting them in every single chapter because the man liked to write songs and verse and everything. He was a linguist. This, this whole project, The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit all started because he's a linguist and he invented a language and then wanted a world for that language to inhabit. Because language in the growth of language is a reflection of where the world and usage and language touch. It's all very interesting, very dry, and not for here. But the point is that he built a world around the Elvish language. Yeah. He is good with language. I the one one of my the the first note I have here that I took when we were reading this was lots of BS. The very first paragraph based on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. Bilbo Baggins of Bag Elves, Birthday bash. Okay, you're skipping the title. You're just ignore the long expected party with the hyphen between long and expected. You skip over that and go to the spirit of bees. Is very important. It's very important what we're witnessing here. What we're witnessing here is a difference in level of appreciation of literature. Yes. Yeah. I like the bees. You like the alliteration? Get over. It. So if you didn't have the hyphen, you would think it was a very long in time party like it was going to take all night. It did. But it's this the hyphen joining the long and expected mean they had to wait a long time for this party. They were anticipating it for years and it was finally happening as I think it was a nod to this is after The Hobbit. The Hobbit was in the 1930s. This is in 1954. It's how long expected sequel. Oh, damn, that's great. Good point. So I kicked out just on the title of chapter one and I'm in for this journey. Did not take long. No. Three words in and she sold so good news there's a lot more. I can't wait to get back to your bees. I just thought it was interesting. I already said it. The Bilbo Baggins back end birthday bash. Say that five times. I love it. It's amazing. That's great. Well, Laura, what did you think about the writing style? I thought the writing style was really fun. It was more, I don't know, approachable than I expected, especially after reading that Prolog I was slightly concerned after reading the Prolog by Tolkien's son, which was a little drier. So yeah, I thought that the prose was really fun. It was just easy to easy to read, easy to pay attention to, and some of the language, some of the words that he came up with were just so wonderful and pleasant. So what got me, I think lately, like page two or something of the chapter, he uses the word gentle hobbit, this thing. And I was like, Oh, I love it. So that was that. Was gentleman. It's like Gentle Hobbit. Yes, exactly. So cute. No, I got me on the chapter. Awesome. I like that. I think I have another note here about when they talk about money later on, they call it jewels. Yes. With two OJ, AOL ads. And I just think that was so cute. I think it's a great way to, like, indicate that they pronounce things differently and like, maybe they they sound a little funny when they say words that we would hear differently. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's really cool. But Chris, what is note 12 say. Oh, do they talk like Cockney dickheads? Oh, my God. I see them more in a brogue, an Irish. But yeah, like it's, it's meant to be more like Montreal, like country English. Well, so let me give some context to this. So Bilbo has some family members called the Sackville Baggins. This thing I'm saying that. Got a rough name. It's a. Terrible name. And the way he introduces them is pretty early on. It's kind of mentioned that I honestly I don't remember all the different family names, but it's on page. There's the brandy box, there's the this, there's that, there's tons of talks and this and he mentions the Sackville Baggins is now granted at this point the chapter we have not met them but he talks down about them he talks up about everybody else mentioned Saxo and he goes, I don't like them. Yes, I took a note here. What the heck did the Saxo balances do? I'm curious. So you're just like a second cousin. Maybe they're nice. Maybe. I don't know. Maybe they're misunderstood. What do you want to know? Yeah. So at the end of Bilbo's first adventure, which is The Hobbit, they had him declared legally dead. And then Bilbo came home to the estate sale. That is unfortunate. Right? Right. Me? I'm not very happy with my family as well. Yeah, right. Okay. So that's what they did. How long was Bilbo gone or like a year? A year? To be fair, he left in the night again with dwarves and Gandalf and no note to anybody. He was just gone. But they waited one calendar year to have him declared legally dead. Yeah. Is that reasonable? No, I think that's reasonable. Well, I don't know if you don't hear. From anyone in a year. Granted, there were no phones, there were no ways of communication. If you wanted to travel. You know, carrier pigeons. Yeah. I'll be honest. I think in the society we're in, I think it's like two weeks. I That's right. Yeah. They have, like, 13 year old girls lost in the woods. It's like day five. They'll come for, like, Tuesday. It's our. Bad. Wolves guy. Or maybe bears. That's it. So I think the fact they gave them a year, that's. That's not bad. Well, it's. Not like they had a body. Like when Frodo, Dag Drogo drowned. Axel Baggins. Says, no, Jesus, God. And I and I. On a different. Hill for him. And then all of a sudden Andy Circus came on and he started talking as the Saxo Baggins is like a Cockney dickhead. And I was like, Oh, are they like like pose like. Posh. Like limos, like like yeah, not smart, like weirdo cousins. And then they like, clicked. I was like, Oh, I got it. They're trash. Oh, I disagree. That's how I was reading it. They're like the not cool family members. And I was like, Oh, they're not. I got to Bilbo. They're not Kiva because they feel thwarted. And it's further in the chapter, what was Lobelia. Is gift Lobelia. Satchel Baggins. Her gift from Bilbo was a pile of silver spoons because she had stolen a bunch of them previously. Trash. Yeah, that's just trash. Now. This is her husband also was supposed to be the heir and then he adopted Frodo and all their hopes and dreams of the mansion. The money, the jewels that really does the title was ripped away and they thought he was dead once prior. And they had the house then and it was ripped away then. I'm not saying I agree with. So they lost back again twice. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, jeez. Imagine you win the lottery and then you find out the ticket is somebody else's twice another. Also not kind or generous or funny. So I don't have their back. But just to play devil's advocate from their perspective. No, they're very, very. Yeah. That's the fuck. It sucks. You can see. Sorry I made a note later on. Pat, would you mind reading note 64? Oh, my God. No. It's not 64. Fuck the sec. Phil Baggins is. Ha! Oh, my God. So I joined team Bilbo by the end of it. Yeah, that's 40. Two talking points later. He came around. Right. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, but. Okay, speaking of gifts, okay, so we established that like for Hobbits on their birthday, they give gifts away. I want to do that, which I. Do love that. I want to do that. Yeah, I want to do that. I think that's the cutest thing. My birthday is in November. So what are you giving everybody? I don't know. It depends on what you give me. I give you's. Oh, wait, no, sorry. Okay. No, but I was just going to say, like, I think that that's fun and it's cute and we should do it. But also, like, there's a ton of gifts given away in the chapter. What's your favorite present? And like little like shitty snide, like, note that Bilbo adds because Bilbo thinks he's extremely funny, he's just rude and leaving and he knows it. I think my favorite one and I actually wrote it down is Hugo Brace Turtle. He was a great borrower of books Worse Than Usual at returning them. So Bilbo Baggins gifted him an empty bookcase. Just perfect for RJ, who also loves books. Although I do not think she steals books. I do not. I do return them in a timely fashion. But she could use a lot of empty bookcase. A lot. She does get really friggin mad at people who do steal her books. Oh, I mean, totally fair. Which is understandable. Understandably be justified. My favorite gift was probably Lobelia is as a present on a case of silver spoons. Bilbo believed that she had acquired a good many of his spoons while he was away on his former journey. Lobelia note knew that quite well when she arrived later in the day, she took the point at once, but she also took the spoons. I love that. That is so good. This writing is just. It's clever. I enjoy it. Yeah, the. Writing is clever, right? So, like, one thing I absolutely loved about this chapter is the way it's kind of narrated to us, because there's actually very little dialog. It's mostly just like the narrator explaining the party and everything that happens. So Bilbo's speech is narrated to us in a way that is fucking hilarious. Oh, yeah. You should read some of that. Okay. Yeah, I got a couple of moments, but it's so while I'm looking for that. Thank you. Okay. Okay. So the he says indeed. I bring you for three purposes. First of all, to tell you, I'm immensely fond of you all and that eleventy one is too short a time to live among among such admirable habits, period. Tremendous outburst of approval. Hmm. Secondly, to celebrate my birthday. Cheers again. Oh, I'm on it. Many of us right now. Together we score 144. Your numbers were chosen to fit that remarkable total one. GROSS, if I may use the expression, no cheers. That's fucking hilarious. That yeah. Everybody, this is like, well, I had no cheers. This was ridiculous. Yes. This was ridiculous. It's amazing. Many of his guests, and especially the Sackville Baggins, were insulted, feeling that they'd only been asked to fill the required number like goods in a package. Yeah, yeah. Like eggs. I gave it. Yeah. So, I mean, other than that, like, I feel like so much of this chapter is Tolkien putting himself into Bilbo and into Bilbo's expressions and the things he loves and the way he reacts to people. Because, you know, they mention at some point that like wheelbarrows come for guests at like midnight, like people who are just passed out on his property. He specifically hired people with wheelbarrows to come and just collect the bodies at his own son's actual like 21st birthday. These aren't some token tokens. Son's 21st birthday party. The invitation went out and said Carriages at, you know, party starts at four, carriages at ten, wheelbarrows at 11 and her. Horses at dawn. Yeah, curses at dawn like a semi. People just drank themselves to death. Yeah. Yeah. That was the party. That was the. How many did Bilbo was like, I don't care. He, he doesn't know he left. Yeah, he left. He was like, oh. He was not my problem. He left Frodo to clean up all literally all the messes. Yeah. Nice guy. Right. Wish I had an uncle like that. Really? No. It's. Well, like, to be fair, it was a bad ass party. He cleaned out the countryside like nobody. You couldn't buy beef or eggs any more because they had literally all been eaten at the party. There was a shire wide famine three months after that. That's grim. Of course, the Irish have the family. Yes. Oh, my God. Well, like the Shire is this like wholesome little place it's meant to be this like this English countryside, this perfect little, teeny, tiny country. Yeah. Where like, if you are ten miles down the road, you are like you're on the borders between what's acceptable and what's weird. And 12 miles down the border, they don't even they're not people. They don't even speak. That's where the Saxo Banks is live. And they all wear orange sashes. She's stop thong toe, long live the republic anyway. So that's not in the Prolog, by the way. So that was a perfect lead up to the third and final part of that. Those were just the first two of his speech. The third one is his announcement that he says really loud, where he just steps up and says, as I said, 11 years is far too short a time to spend among you. This is the end. I am going. I am leaving now. Goodbye. And he just puts the ring on a flash of light and poof he disappears. That is insane. Can I jump in right there? Yeah, because when that moment happened, I was thinking about, okay, so he's got this magic ring that when he puts it on, he can be invisible. No one sees him. And then I thought, it's not very good for being invisible if when you put it on. Before. You went off, it's like an old fashioned, like photograph from the 1800s. Like the bulb. Exploded, you know, don't. See myself. That's terrible. Then I was like, Gandalf. Gandalf. There is someone there who can do magic. Yes, that took me a second. Would you have quite a hot take on Gandalf? I I've said it before. I was talking about before we started recording. I think I got done dirty with Ian McKellen because that's the only Gandalf I know and I love him. This Gandalf can fuck off. I don't like the Gandalf in this book so far because he comes in and my note even says, Gandalf is kind of a dick. He kind of comes in, he blows past everybody who everybody is like, Oh my gosh, I love this old guy. Everything. He's so fun. Every time he comes here, hangs out. And he just walked right past them and they're like, Excuse me? And he's like, Nope. And then he just walks inside, as does everybody. Then they're like, Well, I guess I'll talk to them later. They go to this big party and he sends off like a terrifying dragon just to fuck with these, like three and a half foot tall people. It's a bunch of drunk midgets. Yeah. And they're there. It's. It's just. I just love how. I mean, to be fair, I think he's a dick. I like him. I don't like that. He's kind of a jerk, but I kind of dig that he is. Does that make sense? Yeah, it's of hard to say that. I think it's justified, though. I agree. How old is Gandalf? We have the real answer. Yeah, I just. I don't. Know. Lure, like. 3000 years. Old. Actually, he's technically timeless. We don't want to go into that. Yeah, he's a very old man. He's messing around with some little, little baby hobbits that don't think he's just a little magician. Yeah, they see him as an attraction that's last described. And they give you into the woods, and you found a group of people this big, and you walked up and you anywhere. And they were like, you ran away. It's kind of. The highlight of your year, you. Know. It's literally me at every family Christmas party when I see a child. Yeah. I was going to say it's like chasing bunnies. Yeah. It's interesting you see it that way because I see it completely different. I see it as this being who's timeless. You hive's his power has fallen in love with this simple, sweet, wholesome people, and he becomes such good friends with Bilbo. I'm trying to say this is vague and spoiler free as possible, and he's here to celebrate his friend. But he's famous in this country, and so everyone wants a piece of him. It's sort of like the babysitter who's been playing with the kids to be the zombie for hours. They want everything now. He's had it, he's had enough. They treat him like a, you know, like a puppeteer. And he's way more than that. And so he has no more time. He's like, My patience is done with you. You'll get your tricks when you get them. I'm here to see my friend. Leave me alone. They don't have the appropriate respect for it. They do not. And that's okay because he doesn't want them to know who he is. He wants to be on their level. But then the time that I see your point is with Frodo, who is the sweetest soul, so compassionate doesn't have a bad bone in his body, he does snub him, which is upsetting in that first interaction and that's when you got upset. But later on, you know, what's with Gandalf when all that like all the like the habits are there with the fireworks in the party, I think it is warranted for him just to snap off and be with Bilbo. I don't know. It's sort of like the babysitter that's just had too much attention. They want too much from him, and he's like, You have no idea the power or respect I actually deserve. I just want to be away. He's like, okay. Zoomer Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. Oh, and. So, Chris, what? I'm going to I'm going to say something real fast, and we're going to touch the movie just. Just very, very gently on this. The I no, no touching the Gandalf as you perceive him as written. Right. You said Ian McKellen did you dirty the original casting for Gandalf was Sean Connery. Does that fit better? Yes. Right. Sean Connery would have made a better book. Gandalf. I'm going to I'm going to be totally honest, until we had this discussion. I've read this book a million, billion times in the movies, like more times an account until you really brought up that Ken was kind of a Dick. Armey is. I thought Sean Connery as the first pass for Gandalf was an insane choice like somebody is just like this is a weird book for weird children we need somebody dragon butts two seats when we make these movies. Sean Connery's it? Yeah. Mm hmm. But, like, that kind of fits. I mean, it's either him or Burt Reynolds. Jesus Christ. This is super cool. I to. Burt Reynolds is like, what do you want? Don't do that. But that's because. When again, when he when he's with Bilbo, after Bilbo's disappear to put on the ring and is going to leave and he gets aggressive with Bilbo and finally shows his full power. It's out of love for Bilbo, his respect for him, his friendship for him. He actually should have. Kicked him like a soccer ball. But because he loves him, he would never hurt him like that. That's the thing is he puts himself in a position where Bilbo can't get up in his face and be rude to him because that's how much he loves him. I also I thought it was so funny you bring that up because that probably is my favorite part of the chapter is when Bilbo starts to like retreat into this alter ego. Yeah, it's like very like cat like when you're like your cat, the cat like bites you and you're like, what the fuck? And it's like like it's. Like his eyes sinking into. Yeah, he just turns into, like, a little monster for a second, and then he threatens Gandalf and a. Toddler pulls a knife on you. He's like, Yeah. And like, I'm not going to bed. Yeah, yeah. And I just wanted him to just kick him through the window. It shows a wide shot of him flipping through the air to. The field. Like a classic Looney Tunes, like where they flick the character and flies into the sunset, you know? And I just wanted that to happen so bad. He didn't do it because he's a good guy. He's better than me. But he's such a dick. He is a dick. And he's. Still better than Chris. I love you, buddy. All right. Now. Speaking of Gandalf, we sort of touched on this in the synopsis, but one of my favorite lines in the book that literally makes me laugh out loud when I read it and I feel like I lost the page. I was 36. Sorry, is there's a very intense and dramatic moment when Frodo inherits the ring and is joking around like I might put this on to avoid people in social settings. And then I'm like, No, no, no. This is a super intense magic ring and he's to give you this huge scene. But in the book, he says, I should not make use of it if I were you, but keep it secret and keep it safe. Now I am going to bed. So there's a pause and it's smash cuts to the next morning we're photos having a truly trying afternoon. He's hung. Over hung over he's tired as these people banging on the door for the gifts and the staff because they know that there's been gifts left for several family members. And Frodo. Frodo is just left with this ring and this power in this thing. And then I was like, I'm going to tell you to do all this, but I have to go to sleep in the guest room. Yeah, that's hysterical. Yeah, it's amazing. And then it doesn't cut back to like way after everyone comes in and gives the gifts, the spoons, the bookcases, etc. kind of shows up. But they don't know it's him. It's Mary and Frodo hanging out and they hear a banging at the door. And I believe it's Mary, says Lobelia again. Most likely she must have thought of something really nasty. And I've come back again to say it. I can't wait. We've all been there. All right? And they go on with their tea and the banging gets even more intense. And till suddenly the Wizards head appears at the window. If you don't let me in, Frodo, I shall blow your door right down your hole and out through the hell. Such a threat, right? He's such an ass here. I will say that. How does Frodo respond? He says, My dear Gandalf for half a minute. If you don't fall in love with Frodo in that moment, you don't have a soul. Not for me. I am Team Frodo as much as I'm Tim. Gandalf. I'm Tim. Frodo in that moment and I'm. Yes. Ending this little character and I'm all in. Yeah, well, I love. That I. Someone banged on my window screaming I try to try an afternoon where everyone wanted a piece of me and then threatened to blow my house down a hole. I'd be like, Get the hell out, how dare you? And Frodo smiles. And in my mind I saw that and says, My dear Gandalf. That is amazing, because we had this happened in real life. Oh, my God, we did. We reacted quite differently. Oh, my God. What? In 2018, we were living in manioc, which is outside of Philadelphia. And we it's so weird, I think about it now, but we had like a row home on the street, which meant our windows in our living room were just along the sidewalk. And manioc is filled with many, many, many drunk kids walking around. Not kids college. Yeah, they're kids. You know, they're not children. They're they're not adults either that, you know, they're just like zombies, like young zombies, and they're all drunk and they just wander along. And would this freak you guys out if you're watching, like, a movie? We were watching a scary movie. I believe we were watching The Evil Dead, which is a terrifying movie. Also my favorite movie of all time. And, you know, heads are passing from like in your periphery out the window and we looked in the window and my friend Joe happened to be in town, didn't tell us, and his head was in the window. And I had a heart attack. I screamed. Screamed my scream at the top of her lungs. Blood, fine. Horror movie like Scream Queen. And my foot went up and the coffee table flipped and it was. We're jumping in there. It was like. So if and that was someone who's smaller than me didn't say anything. It was just doing that in the window. I imagine if I was this tall now this tall and Gandalf shows up, which, by the way, to get into, he's he's a priest. His head coming from the top, not from the bottom. Right. Because he's so bending. Down. And he pops in. It is pretty intense of a moment. And Frodo handles it like a boss and he's just like with. Love, compassionate. You give me a second sugar right there, which. Is I mean, like, did he have much of a choice in how he handled that with a big, angry Gandalf? I just I just wish it would have said like Frodo screamed. And I. Be right. Yeah. Frodo should his. Pants not alone. See, that's normal. I love that they acknowledge that he's a wizard, but also that apparently his only power is fireworks. Yeah, like a bear. When he could just make these things happen, I'd be like, that guy's cool fireworks. Yeah. Yeah. Are you sure he's cool? Because his chosen fireworks were, like, my best friend's birthday party. You know, I'm going to do. I'm going to tickle his PTSD. It's dragons. I think Frodo doesn't react in a false way. I think it's very genuine because later in that same moment, which is the end of the chapter, Frodo starts to say, some pretty of you, some pretty perceptive things to him. At one point he asks him if he's afraid and kind of kind of blows it away. He's like, Oh, I'm fine, because he usually has his phone up and people can't see through it. And at the very end, Frodo saw him to the door and gave a final wave of his hand and walked off at a surprising pace. But Frodo thought the old wizard looked unusually bent, almost as if he was carrying a great weight. The evening was closing in and his cloaked figure quickly vanished into the twilight. Frodo did not see him again for a long time, but I mean, that moment where he's noticing how like weighed down by the thought of the ring and the stress of what it could be. He's a very perceptive, empathetic, little being. And I don't know, this is where I'm like, I love Frodo. Oh yeah. Well, I feel like we're about to wrap up because that is the end of the chapter. But there's last thing that I want to talk about, and I don't know if it's something anybody else wants to, but my last thing I would talk about really is sort of understanding that some of my favorite characters from the movies were Mary and Sam. I really liked them, and we didn't get to meet Sam in the first chapter. Sam doesn't appear. He comes up, but we don't get to meet him. We do meet his father. Ham. Master ham. Fast. As Bilbo lovingly. Says his name, which makes me curious why it's Samwise and not Sam fast. But to be continued. I do think that we should bring back the tradition of naming our kids our name with a different letter. It's a really good thing people could know. So my child is going to be Darby. Darby is beloved. Darby Hill So I thought you were going to say naming our children after Cured Meats. So oh my God, we're not doing that unless like, I don't know. No. We're Irish, not Italian. It's just ham. Potato. Yeah. This is my son, Beau from potato. Potato. It's my body. But I thought I. Would all tater. Tots Sam and Sam. I just was like, I love this. There's all this rich information about, like, the family and the culture and like, the world. And Frodo is Father. Drogo, his. Drogo, sister. Dora. Isadora. Bilbo, Frodo Drogo. It's it's so good. Sam seems to have a sandwich. Sam. Sam. Do you. So I'm going to interrupt real fast on that pat that dip. Actually bites. My yeah, my middle name is Patrick and so is my confirmation name because when you let a 13 year old pick, their confirmation is if you're not Catholic, look it up. Patrick. Patrick. Patrick. Patrick. Name is Patrick. I'm James. Patrick. Patrick. But anyway, point is. The great last name is James. The the the the well we Pat Pat did, my. Grandfather was James Patrick. Patrick and my father was James Patrick James. Because again, when you pick names, they do things like this. But the point is, is the rhyming scheme is super strong in like pre-roman British culture. Yeah. So he's tapping into something is like kind of known where we're talking from. England. England. Yeah. Okay. So like, it's. And when did this book come out? 1954. 1954. So this is the fifties talk in The Hobbit. It was 1937. But like. How old is talking when this is coming out? See, old guy is a young old. But now he fought in World War II. He was in the war. Yeah. So he's probably like 60. In the fifties. He's probably like 70, 70. Yeah, 65, 70. So we mentioned that I'm going to be doing some treats based on the chapter and I was like, Oh, first chapter, there's a party, there's a feast. This is going to be great. I am personally offended that they did not name a single thing that was eaten or a single thing was just. Wait, wait, wait. They did. Though I did mention potatoes and. But it's those were not eaten at the feast that was just like in passing. Well be cannot. Hear somebody say. Is the master potato farmer okay. Oh, SlimFast, I'm going to have to say no farmer. I was like, I'm going to have so many ideas on what to cook for. This chapter new single Things Mentioned. So why did you come up with. Oh, it's a surprise. A surprise. Dancing? I would like to be surprised, but. What is in. Cabbage is. That I would love potatoes and cabbage. I think that's a wrap on chapter one. Yeah, I think that's a good transition. We got a specialty tree coming up from Laura. Oh, let's do it. Yes. All right, let's go. Okay. And then we can read the Prolog. I'm fast. All right. It's time for our Our Treat segment. So surprise for everybody. Open your eyes in 3 to 1. But when do I remove my hand? Oh. This is beautiful. Wow. Grace, what do we have here? In honor of not only our first episode, but also Bilbo's 111th birthday and. His birthday. Photo, one. 33rd birthday. We're going to have a toast of mead, which feels appropriate to the time. I don't know. I could be full of shit, but mead is a fermented honey beverage. People will call it honey wine and. Yeah, it's delicious. This is actually an elder berry mead. And there's the surprise isn't quite over because the wonderful treat around the rim of your glass will hearken back to our chapter. Okay, interesting. The mead. Is red. The meat is red and elderberry. Which I thought you said we're going to toast me. Now. So, yeah, we're going to be right. Okay, it goes. That's good. All right. All right. Cheers. Cheers. To build off, then? Maybe Frodo and definitely Frodo. Am I and these pop rocks? Mm hmm. Well, that's stuck. In my tooth. Well, it's. It's candles, firecrackers. Yep. I love this. We're honoring Gandalf as well, and his poor, cheap tricks. Oh, my God. This is so good. It's very tasty. What are these? I don't know. Well, they come up from the microphones. I can definitely hear them. And everybody else is. For those of you who are listening, not watching them, Chris now has the mic down his mouth. Could you hear it, Chris? I can feel it. You got some sound effects in your beard. I feel like I'm slowly having a stroke. Look at to. Wow, this is very tasty. You're like Deep Throat ing. You're Mike there for a second. It's all on my lips and face. I like this, but I have no idea how many. Get the honey dripping down the inside. Oh, this is done. There's really only one option. You just got to do it, buddy. Yeah. Yeah, well, that's all that's on the only fans. Only talks. Only talk only fools, only fools. And we're reading chapter two, The Shadow of the Past. Follow us on social media and Full of Talk podcast and also make sure to follow us on YouTube and watch along as well as listen along and more importantly, make sure you buy the book and read along with us. See again next time. See you next time. Next time. Because we don't know. When we're going to post. You. See you next time. We don't see any of them. They see us. See me next. That and not just you see us. Yes, next time. Okay. Nice.